Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Odd Man Out

I walked into class late today. Not anything new though, I'ma be honest.. that flame and passion for education has been thrown out the window. So the idea of coming to class on time doesn't wake me up in the morning early enough to stop people from staring at me and then the class clock everytime i walk in. I take a seat and start taking notes, which by the way i cant remember taking because the DA is on the back of my mind. Anyway, we have a ten minute break and my classmate says to me, "Hey sunshine, too much partying over the weekend?" (Now understand, this is a mid-40's white guy with a family, so im guessing he's drawing from his past experience as well as the high mathamatical probablity of a person that is my age's reason for looking tired and coming to class late, plus the media and culture's injection of a 20 year old's typical lifestyle.) I should be ready to answer this, it's not like it's the first time I've HAD to tell a lie, but i HATE, HATE lying and i hate liers, so that piece of me trips me up, causes me to pause and mumble, giving myself away. I manage to give a nervous laugh followed by soft "yeah.." that's complimented with a nod. Then i see it, though it was but a flash, a quick squint in his eyes gave him away, expressing his slight disbelief and wonder to what it is im hiding but ultimately saying: LIER. Truth be told, what i wanted to say is that this "partying" he's refering to is in actuality, this: 1. Finding articles on the DA 2. Calling senators and Reps 3. Worrying about the DA. But how could i make him understand, how could i truly let him see in these few minutes of break left that this is what i did and why, then the 2nd "why" for the 1st "why," and all the dimensions the come along with the 2nd "why." But, break ends, and i can only hope this slight rift doesn't make me a lier in his eyes.

I wasnt like this, nor do i want to be like this. Before knowing my undocumented state, I was an intellectual, the pride of my middle school. If there were valedictorians and salidictions in middle school i would have been the latter. In the years before my parents left in high school i was in the running for validictoran. But im not as flat of a character as simply being a bookworm for i also enjoyed basketball and tennis. I reminisce of being on the freshman and jv basketball team; truthfully i was not on the starting line up, but i made for a solid sixth man and there's no same in that. I love music. My favorite instrument would have to be my guitar; Eleanor, but i enjoy playing the drums, bass, and though it's the most challenging, the piano. I like anime, yes, anime and cartoons. From the classics like outlaw star, wolf's rain, gundam wing, transformers, ronan warrriors -to- naruto, bleach, avator, batman, ben 10. Video games are still cool to me though i have less time with them, use to be a final fantasy addict (RPG). There is a nerd in all of us! Last, though it doesnt end here, is that i love food. Anything that has to do with food from cooking it to eatting it.

When I think back to who i was im sadden because i also know who i am now. It seems as if this whole ordeal has shriveled my life. I guess then it's accurate to those who made the video "A Dream Deferred" because like Langston Hughs so elegantly put it, this DREAM of mine(ours) seem to "dry up like a raisin in the the sun." I feel like a shadow of my former self, trapped and unable to move into the next step in life. This constanst stuggle to want to be better then yesterday is met by a glass ceiling. I've hit that wall enough times to nearly break my sanity. So i stand back looking at this obstacle, looking for holes, maybe a way around it and as i do so i know others are moving forward. Are they more deserving? Because of what? Birthright? I thought that was gone long ago forever to remain in stories and history books or atleast not here in the good ol' United States of America. But i guess some other country men do not want that, so here I'll remain, for now, in limbo.

I know though, once that wall is passed, weither it be a way around it (i pray it doesnt come to that) or through it (the passing of the DREAM ACT) these passions and drives that have been supressed for so long will reemerge and explode, and what I've known i could accomplish all along will come into fruition. But for now "partying" will be comprised of thinking about the DREAM act, however obsessive it may be. Because though it may be sad to lay down and rest, seeminly putting life on hold, priority number one HAS TO BE TO GET THE DREAM ACT PASSED.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. omg! so sorry! I couldnt see the keyboard! but now I can.
    I mean to write the following:
    Lier, is not spelled lier, it is spelled liar.

  3. hey Carlo. I'm with you on this one.

    "I feel like a shadow of my former self, trapped and unable to move into the next step in life."

    This is part of the psychological effects I briefly mentioned.

    As for what a 20yrld does. I hear you. we're not the conventional youth. we've got a weight on us.

    Dude. I firmly believe that it is because of this situation that we'll be THAT much stronger and better once we get the justice we need. It's like you said in a previous post. We're volcanoes of potential, just waiting to explode.

    And I for one can't wait for when you get your chance brother.