Saturday, November 19, 2011


What to do, what to do. It's one of those days when you can't help but think about the future. So far all I have under my belt is a high school diploma and a Associates in Biological Sciences. I guess that's better then nothing. I was actually very thankful for getting my associates just a few months ago but now it seems light weight useless in comparison to what other people have around the world. In a year... hopefully, I will have attained my bachelors in Biochemistry and minor in education. But what then? Right now there looks to be 2 options.

Option 1: Graduate School. Instead of graduating in a year I will stay 2 years like any normal transfer student. This is so that I can spend more time with my research team and clubs so that I can have a great letter of recommendation and have done more things to fill up my resume as well as study for the GRE and graduate entrance exams.

Positives: 1) I get to stay in the states longer, maybe even find me a wifey and see if I can get legalization that way as well (no gurantee that would even work from what I hear). 2) Graduate students are very appealing to the US and would greatly increase my chances at staying (no promises there as well) 3) Having a masters is highly appealing anywhere in the world espeically from an accredited place in the US. 4) More time for the DREAM Act to pass

Negatives: 1) I will be 25 when I graduate with my bachelors and 29 when I graduate with my masters (assuming I get into a master program) FFUUUDDDGGEE that's old! 2) more money out of my family's pockets because I can't fund that myself or take out a loan (unless i find out otherwise because I'd be getting my master's in Biochemistry with is considered in the "hard sciences" and for people in that kind of program, they get their school paid for, again, this is for normal graduates so who knows.


Option 2: Philipines. Returning to my native home land and finally getting this undocumented status out the picture. I will have my bachelor's from the United States which hold much more sway then anything you can get over there. From there can either try and apply for residency to another country like Canada or Europe somewhere and try and get into a nationally accredited medical school. Or even stay in the philipines and try and make a difference there.

Positives: 1) Finally FREAKIN LEGAL! 2) Can hold a job and feel like I'm moving along in life 3) can MAKE A DIFFERENCE! 4) From TFC (the filipino channel) there are some legit looking filipino girls over there [:

Negatives: 1) 10 freakin year band + those years it takes to petition someone 2) Philipines isn't really Europe, it is a legit 3rd world country, ehh.. upper 3rd world country. 3) Government, from what I hear, is pretty currupt so attempting to make a positive change may ruffle some feathers that could get me killed (no joke). 4) I do not know how to speak my native language (very sad i know but like i say, I'm Americanized to the max)

Well those are the choices. WTFREAK why is every choice we dremers make such big ones! Well since i make my choices only when i have to, i guess for now it's just nice knowing i have options.

Reward/Risk Ratio & Driving

I have this thing I like to call my "reward vs risk ratio" that pops into my head whenever I feel my undocumented status presents a dilemma to living a normal life. For example, I currently drive around with a valid foreign license. When I first got it I actually blogged about it in 2009 but I ended up losing it in a taqueria (actually some idiot stole it). I eventually got another one and drive around with it and I even got pulled over once and was let go (I was scared to death but I spoke to the officer with confidence, it wasnt anything i did, my tail light was broken. Although I also believe it is because i was driving in a relatively crappy car for the neighborhood I was driving in.) Anyway whenever I sit in the driver's sit I always say this in my head "I take responsibility for everthing that this car gets me, the good and the bad." What I mean by this is that I am definitely running the risk of being caught. Yeah I was let go that one time but what if I ended up with a really pissed of cop? Sometimes being caught versus being let go is a matter of probabilty of what kind of cop I encounter. I mentally prepared myself each time to get deported and spending time in one of those jail cells for months on end that I've read so much about. But even with that risk, the rewards were so high. My grades greatly improved so much so that I ended up getting accepted to the University of California Davis as a Biochemistry and Molecular Biology major with a minor in Education. I was also able to help my family so much with chores and even found a job for a short amount of time that I drove myself to. The benefits were so great it tips the scale towards the reward end.

However recently I got into a car accident and am working it out with my insurance company. Yes, undocumented people can get insurance. However this is the first time I have ever encountered this situation and much of my legality had to be divulged in a recorded audio tape for the insurance company to litigate the pay off for damages (it was my fault for the accident, btw always look over your shoulder and dont just rely on the mirrors). So I'm just sweating the situation out right now and hopefully my legality isnt put into question or reported to ICE. I feel that it is highly unlikely because they are a private insitiution and they should technically represent me but I'll never know until its all done with. In the end I dont regret this uncertainty phase that I have to deal with now because being able to drive opened up so many doors for me and help me repay people I felt had helped me along the way in growing up and being in this situation as I blogged before. So worst comes to worst at least I've repaid back a good amount to what people have done for me in the past as well as grown tremedously as a person. Also being back in my native country meana ill be legal, lol so there always that.But in any event, we will see how this whole thing goes, wish me luck [:

P.S. The time I spent away from here was also time I spent trying to repay the kindness that was shown to me in the past.

On a side note: I live in california which is a state that is very relaxed on undocumented immigrants in comparision to other states. I make these risk keeping that in mind as well as knowing that days before the end of the month are days police like to catch up on giving out tickets, night time is when cops usually set up checkpoints, rainy nights are dangerous, nice neighborhoods are not nice to ugly cars. Also on the DMV website for cali, it specifically states that a valid foreign license is valid in this state as long as it is not expired. So for any dreamer thinking about driving I suggest thinking very deeply about the rewards/risk involved and be prepared to live with all consequence, the good and the bad.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Unapologetic Dreamer

Hello fellow dreamers and random folks! It has been a while! and that is definitely an understatement. It was great rereading my post from before and seeing just how far I've come, but an explaination of that will just have to wait for now. Now I don't want to just jump from my last post to today so I will try and bridge it as much as possible so here goes:

After my last post I realized how important family was too me. In my previous post I mentioned how I hated the fact that I could not do anything to pay them back for all they have done. However, I slowly realized that education was one way I could get ready to pay them back while actively making myself more desireable to the United States as a person from an economical stand point. Furthermore, I felt that the education path might be the most successful route for me no matter what the outcome was going to be (in relation to if the dream act is going to be passed or not). My reasoning for this is if I get deported (heaven forbid) I would still have my degree no matter what. From there I may immigrate (legally this time! and of my own free will!) to another country and share my talents and skills and say "too bad America, I know you paid for my K-12 which was worth hundreds of thousand of dollars, as well as community college supplemental dollars but hey, I wanted to give back money via taxes but you just would not let me! I would even pay a legalization fee but you just wont create a path. So now I'll just let you handle this depression all on your own because apparentely you're just too good for me." I know I might be coming on a bit strong but hey it is the freakin' truth. That's why I changed this blog name to Unapologetic Dreamer because I won't apologize for trying to make the most of this life I was given. I won't be scared, I wont be intimidated, but I also wont be stupid. I will take calculated risked based on what I call a reward/risk ratio which I will explain at a later post. However, this is my delaration to not be scared of the obstacles but face them head on.