Thursday, April 9, 2009

Good Folks

I enjoy reading blogs, especially one's from DREAMERS. From DREAM ACT student's "The I Word" to Documenting Me's "After Effects," these blogs have been a type of coping mechanism for me. It's great having someone to relate to even though i have never in my life seen these people, that is if you don't count Documenting Me's wrist. But nonetheless this commonality of ours brings us together. Honestly, i enjoy reading blogs about "the struggle," or how we've delt with the injustice that's been placed in our lives and the sorrow and pain. Blogs that can articulate the complicated lifestyle we must traverse are hits with me too. Is this sad? I dont think so. These are things with which we relate and are packed with emotion. There's nothing better then relieving stress and sadness or any other emotion for that mattter then reading my blog or someone else's that fully describes my thoughts. But Im going to put that off for today. Today, I have to recognize the good folks.

Who are the good folks? They're the ones who stick by you even though you're a DREAMER. The ones who see that potential. The ones who come closet to understanding (note: understanding not = to knowing) the life of a DREAMER without being a dreamer themself. Here's an example: my dad. In all honesty, it's hard to relate with my dad, he grew up in the philipphines and is in his fifties. He comes from a different time and culture and also just came back from his slight, "deportation but not really deportation because he's a resident now," trip from the philipphines. So to say the least, conversations dont spring up like grass in the spring. But he tries his best to keep me optimistic by keeping up with the news and reports about immigration. He drives me where i need to go, though i choose not to overly burden him with rides and the like. Though we dont talk a lot, i can infer that he believes in me. He's not the only one, there's more family members and friends that go along with that. These are the good folks and they're important.

They're important because they make up a large sum of my future. I do want to get a good job, that college degree, that car, that money. But why? Would these things make me happy? Yes and No. It may be a complete yes for some, but not me. It's not this way because of how things have played out in my life so far. Because during these trying times filled with suffering and even days where hope was just a thread like beam in utter dark dispair these folks were there. So if i could give another reason to PASS THE DREAM ACT it would be this: so i can finally do something in return for those who never gave up on me. The Good Folks.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Odd Man Out

I walked into class late today. Not anything new though, I'ma be honest.. that flame and passion for education has been thrown out the window. So the idea of coming to class on time doesn't wake me up in the morning early enough to stop people from staring at me and then the class clock everytime i walk in. I take a seat and start taking notes, which by the way i cant remember taking because the DA is on the back of my mind. Anyway, we have a ten minute break and my classmate says to me, "Hey sunshine, too much partying over the weekend?" (Now understand, this is a mid-40's white guy with a family, so im guessing he's drawing from his past experience as well as the high mathamatical probablity of a person that is my age's reason for looking tired and coming to class late, plus the media and culture's injection of a 20 year old's typical lifestyle.) I should be ready to answer this, it's not like it's the first time I've HAD to tell a lie, but i HATE, HATE lying and i hate liers, so that piece of me trips me up, causes me to pause and mumble, giving myself away. I manage to give a nervous laugh followed by soft "yeah.." that's complimented with a nod. Then i see it, though it was but a flash, a quick squint in his eyes gave him away, expressing his slight disbelief and wonder to what it is im hiding but ultimately saying: LIER. Truth be told, what i wanted to say is that this "partying" he's refering to is in actuality, this: 1. Finding articles on the DA 2. Calling senators and Reps 3. Worrying about the DA. But how could i make him understand, how could i truly let him see in these few minutes of break left that this is what i did and why, then the 2nd "why" for the 1st "why," and all the dimensions the come along with the 2nd "why." But, break ends, and i can only hope this slight rift doesn't make me a lier in his eyes.

I wasnt like this, nor do i want to be like this. Before knowing my undocumented state, I was an intellectual, the pride of my middle school. If there were valedictorians and salidictions in middle school i would have been the latter. In the years before my parents left in high school i was in the running for validictoran. But im not as flat of a character as simply being a bookworm for i also enjoyed basketball and tennis. I reminisce of being on the freshman and jv basketball team; truthfully i was not on the starting line up, but i made for a solid sixth man and there's no same in that. I love music. My favorite instrument would have to be my guitar; Eleanor, but i enjoy playing the drums, bass, and though it's the most challenging, the piano. I like anime, yes, anime and cartoons. From the classics like outlaw star, wolf's rain, gundam wing, transformers, ronan warrriors -to- naruto, bleach, avator, batman, ben 10. Video games are still cool to me though i have less time with them, use to be a final fantasy addict (RPG). There is a nerd in all of us! Last, though it doesnt end here, is that i love food. Anything that has to do with food from cooking it to eatting it.

When I think back to who i was im sadden because i also know who i am now. It seems as if this whole ordeal has shriveled my life. I guess then it's accurate to those who made the video "A Dream Deferred" because like Langston Hughs so elegantly put it, this DREAM of mine(ours) seem to "dry up like a raisin in the the sun." I feel like a shadow of my former self, trapped and unable to move into the next step in life. This constanst stuggle to want to be better then yesterday is met by a glass ceiling. I've hit that wall enough times to nearly break my sanity. So i stand back looking at this obstacle, looking for holes, maybe a way around it and as i do so i know others are moving forward. Are they more deserving? Because of what? Birthright? I thought that was gone long ago forever to remain in stories and history books or atleast not here in the good ol' United States of America. But i guess some other country men do not want that, so here I'll remain, for now, in limbo.

I know though, once that wall is passed, weither it be a way around it (i pray it doesnt come to that) or through it (the passing of the DREAM ACT) these passions and drives that have been supressed for so long will reemerge and explode, and what I've known i could accomplish all along will come into fruition. But for now "partying" will be comprised of thinking about the DREAM act, however obsessive it may be. Because though it may be sad to lay down and rest, seeminly putting life on hold, priority number one HAS TO BE TO GET THE DREAM ACT PASSED.