Saturday, January 31, 2009

A Fine Line

It's one of those days. I HATE, HATE, these days! On these days, you see someone achieve and do something good, maybe even something great. And on these days, the feelings we should feel is respect and admiration for that outstanding individual. But we don't, I don't. Not entirely at least. Because what they have done, is something I could have done. What they achieved, in reality, is easy for me. If i had equal grounding. Legality. I do not call on the "im undocumented" crutch, though it is a fine line when treading across it, but i ask for a little bit of understanding.

This is how i picture life sometimes: We are all running a race. Since middle school, i felt like I've been at the head of the pack (the pack being people my age). When my parents left, i felt like a ten pound vest was added to my attire and was now running amongst the pack. In college, another 10 pounds, now slightly behind the pack. Also, other packs are at my heels. Yet i remember my past speed, like a caged lion remembers the plains. I remember what i could do, and i project where i could be had my speed not been hindered.

Am i a jerk? A wuss? Have I gone soft, and let my situation, our situation, get the best of me? Have i justified my own shortcomings by highlighting uncontrollable factors? Or have i wisely seen some of life's limitations, and acted accordingly?

You see, we dreamers must tread a fine line. A line that on either side could devour our very lives. On one side is pursing everything we could possibly want even against all odds. The other is backing away from challenges impossible to accomplish, or not worth the effort for the reward. The former seems braver, gutsyer (is that even a word?) and much more heroic, but it can cause it's own problems. There are somethings, that we just can't do, or are restricted to. Apply this to every problem we face and we will disappoint and discourage ourselves into depression. The latter is good because we have the understanding that somethings are out of our control and, for now, we'll let it go. But that same state of mind can lead to idleness, uselessness, and laziness.

I'm still learning to balance on this wire, and every fall is a painful reminder of my status. Be careful fellow dreams, do not get stuck on either side of this line that we're forced to cross. Our sanity rest on it.

Monday, January 26, 2009

- --------------------------

Do you ever feel like a volcano that's about to explode but then right before you do, someone puts a cork on your top? What happens then? Simple physics tells you that pressure will start to build, and the intensity will increase. Then one of two thing will happen:

1. The top is pulled out and everything will come shooting out, much higher and more forceful then if it didnt get capped.


2. The cap is so tight that the volcano itself will implode.

Why i bring this up, is because i feel like that's us (dreamers). These group of individuals whose talents and passions and drives are all bottled up within us. Deep down inside we know the strength of our characters, yet this limbo, this cap, restrains us from exploding to our built up potential.

Some of us, have been building up pressure for a long time, and just like volcanos, we have side vents to let out some of that pressure. But this this cant drag on for too long cus i feel it really will damage some of us. This stuff weighs heavy.

But i see that things are lined up like the title for this blog. I'm on the very first dash, and where im trying to go is the very last dash. The missing dash is the DREAM act. Just the last piece of the puzzle.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Getting Back On Track

My Name is Carlo and I am Undocumented.

Shesh, I've read the articles that start of like that but it feels different now that I've written it myself. Like it's official now. I guess it's acceptance. Anyway, I've always wanted to start a blog about my own life, but everytime i start one it, it never feels right. Whether it was the way the words were combined or the story that was being told, it never felt right to press the "publish post" button. My story starts off like this:

Like most undocumented students, also known as "d.r.e.a.m.ers," I was bought here when I was very young, six to be exact. I came here on a tourist visa, and over stayed. I dont want to get too detailed because, yes, it's almost like everyone elses. I found out that I was undocumented when I was a sophomore in highschool because my parents were told to return home (not deported). I stayed in the states and finished high school, and went to college. Here's a key difference:

In May 2008, My parents returned because my sister was born in the states and had turned 21 a few years earlier, so she was able to petition my parents. Well that leaves me and my younger brother in a pickle. As most of you know, the wait time for petitioning a sibling is freaking long as heck, 6-14 years to be exact (for a green card, through my sister). Also, my parents can petition me and my brother now as legal residents 9-14 years (for a green card). Yes, some of you say "hey at least there's a way for you." And to that, yes, it's true but... well, I'll answer that in another blog and maybe also the the difference between me and my brother (how im more screwed because i was born earlier). But further into the subject matter (why this blog is called "Getting Back On Track"). I was devistated when my parents left (future blog) but i was able to...some what thrive. But when college arrived, and i was soppose to face the next level of reality that is "AB-540" student, something delayed it. Or more precisely, someone. (future blog).

I use to be the "smart kid." Before I found out that my parents had to leave, I was a 4.0 student, in the running to make valedictorian (sp?) and even after they left, 3.5 overall in highschool. I was the sports junkie, specifically basketball (played my frosh and soph yr). I was the health nut, "watch those calories, and get those abs." Music was a passion and playing the guitar an escape. I was the early bird, 6 am on saturdays (just because). I was the clean freak, room was always clean! But the key words in this paragraph are "i use to be." I've completely fallin off every single aspect of what I've described. But it's not impossible to return. I've just been in the mentality that i can put it off until the DREAM act passes and then i can get back on track.

But it's time that i dust myself off, and face this. I need to stand up and fight when it's hard, not when it's easy. It's time that I face the AB-54o fact. I have to face the fact that it wont be easy. I have to face the fact that it isnt and won't be fair. That what should take 15 minutes will take 3 hours. I have to face the fact the i have to work around people's schedules, not mine. I have to face the fact the my mind and my heart is in utter pain and confusion. That though i want to stay a kid and remain oblivious of this world's pain and anguish, this world wont let me. So it's about time i stop crying about it. It's time to get back on track.

Thanks to quingshu on DAP for being one of the motivating factors. Though i agree with "ready to serve" that it is "easier said then done." So some feed back would be nice to hear as encouragement and hopefully i do get back on track. Another Shout Out goes to Dreamerhippie for the last blog on, i enjoyed reading your thoughts and parts of your life's stuggles as well as hopes and dreams. Also, this may seems random, but to Ianus, dude(guy?), thanks for all the articles that relate to DREAM and immigration in general. How you're the first to come across them, ill never figure out. And Lastly, DreamACTivist, thanks for the hard work you're doing for all the DREAMIES. Let's get starbucks again.

Well that's it for now. I still have a lot of subjects to talk about, but please, give me some responses. It's nice to write for myself, but it's also great to know people out there is responding to it. Please leave a message. Until then, God Bless and take care fellow DREAMERS and DREAM supporters and random fools who run into this blog.