It's one of those days. I HATE, HATE, these days! On these days, you see someone achieve and do something good, maybe even something great. And on these days, the feelings we should feel is respect and admiration for that outstanding individual. But we don't, I don't. Not entirely at least. Because what they have done, is something I could have done. What they achieved, in reality, is easy for me. If i had equal grounding. Legality. I do not call on the "im undocumented" crutch, though it is a fine line when treading across it, but i ask for a little bit of understanding.
This is how i picture life sometimes: We are all running a race. Since middle school, i felt like I've been at the head of the pack (the pack being people my age). When my parents left, i felt like a ten pound vest was added to my attire and was now running amongst the pack. In college, another 10 pounds, now slightly behind the pack. Also, other packs are at my heels. Yet i remember my past speed, like a caged lion remembers the plains. I remember what i could do, and i project where i could be had my speed not been hindered.
Am i a jerk? A wuss? Have I gone soft, and let my situation, our situation, get the best of me? Have i justified my own shortcomings by highlighting uncontrollable factors? Or have i wisely seen some of life's limitations, and acted accordingly?
You see, we dreamers must tread a fine line. A line that on either side could devour our very lives. On one side is pursing everything we could possibly want even against all odds. The other is backing away from challenges impossible to accomplish, or not worth the effort for the reward. The former seems braver, gutsyer (is that even a word?) and much more heroic, but it can cause it's own problems. There are somethings, that we just can't do, or are restricted to. Apply this to every problem we face and we will disappoint and discourage ourselves into depression. The latter is good because we have the understanding that somethings are out of our control and, for now, we'll let it go. But that same state of mind can lead to idleness, uselessness, and laziness.
I'm still learning to balance on this wire, and every fall is a painful reminder of my status. Be careful fellow dreams, do not get stuck on either side of this line that we're forced to cross. Our sanity rest on it.